Belinda

Life is so strange. I feel like I've been in so many situations in the past year, that I've never been in before. I'm so different right now than I was 365 days ago. I can list off 100 things i did for the first time this year, but i'll spare you.

I had a nervous breakdown in the basement of some building in portland. I had to get an emergency ultrasound done. Now, I guess to a normal person, thats not so bad. To me, I almost didn't want it, because i didnt want to know the results. I had to sit there in a hospital gown, nearly burst with urine (uhh yeah, you have a chug water and hold it till they say so, jerks!)crying my eyes out. I didn't want to know anything. All did know was that it i got the ultrasound done, and a baby popped up on that screen, the poor technician might die. Now, thats not why I was in there, or what I was freaking out about, but it added to the list of things i would have gone over the edge for.

I'd like to go more than a week with out beng sick? haha. I got my tonsils out, i got a hell cold and now this. I should purchase eli lilly stock or something. All i know i see bob young too much. He must think i'm insane or something. hah.

other news: my cat went blind :(. waffles is getting neutered today. :) at the end of this semester i will be 60 credits down, 60 credits to go. Thanksgiving is thursday and I get to do hella cooking. yay. Also, i cant wait to wrap christmas presents!!! i got some pretty ribbon!

Top ten most played songs on my itunes:

1. Have to explode- Mountain goats
2. Cashmir Pulaski day- sufjan stevens
3. Forget the flowers- wilco
4. july,july- the decemberists
5. where to begin- my morning jacket
6. tiny vessels- death cab for cutie
7. it wasnt me- jenny lewis
8. coney island- death cab for cutie
9. red eyed and blue- wilco
10. grown man bussiness- mos def.

i wish this had never happened or that we could move on from it? but apparently that'll never happen?

I want to become a librarian. how do you do that?

Also, my dog is a frickin' nut case.

Also, also, I like the Talib Kweli path of child rearing.

Also, also, also, I had some scary-ass dreams last night.

Wanna hang out today? hey hey.

i hate everything? basically.

Well, first off. I got my computer back! yay! i missed the old gal. no more using my mom's stupid new computer. who needs new stuff?

work is okay, it was balls hot today.

i want to go camping. last night estelle and i made a fire in her backyard ( her mom bought some back yard fire pit thingy) and we make s'mores, vegan s'mores are pretty good.

the doggy is huge and is barking at me.

the boy is as confusing as ever. The other night after three weeks of being a total dick he sent me a text saying he missed me. we hung out today and it was amazing. he was so nice to me, i was really thrown off. he's leaving again tonight to go back to rockland for work. he said he's call him this week, we'll see. things can't be so good. that's not how it works with him.

Sometimes really funny things happen to me: I was driving down broadway, I spotted good ole Everett from Newicks. I pulled to the side to offer him a ride, he said he lived just a few houses down the road. We chatted about our new jobs, then he looks at me and says "you know, back at Newicks, I had the biggest crush on you". And then he just walked away.

So, this mornin' Waffles and I were watching the some morning show and the female host said, "today we have Martha Stewart, we will be making waffles." When he heard his name he perked up from eating his breakfast and looked at me. I cracked up. He knows his name so well, he responds to the lady on tv.

Mitch the hampster has passed.

:(

This Turtle is hurtle.

Looks like I'm cleaning your rental cars this summer, suckas!


I fill out paper work tomorrow and eventually I'll get paid, which is a relief.

Puppy is home! Yay! I got to pick him up yesterday. The ride home was painful, he howled the whole way. But I got him here and he calmed down. He likes to poop in my room. He likes to spoon.

Sending me a text message at 3:10 am, just to tell what a good time your having....... really an asshole thing to do.

I'm bummin' and I can't seem to shake it off.

This whole situation is driving me crazy. I tried to convince myself that it didn't bother me but it does. I feel like I'm not worth it, because to him I'm not. I'm not good enough to be his girlfriend, I'm not good enough to talk to in public. I'm not good enough for him to like me and no one else likes me, so maybe I'm just unlikeable?

Unfortunately, tonight, there just isn't enough beer in the world to make this shitty feeling go away.

No more School. No more Newicks.

So, today I'm going to go visit Waffles.

I can't wait for him to come home. Three weeks is too much!

So, uhh, anyone know where I can get a job?

I was in Boreders today, looking at the summer reads section. I got so excited. I can't wait till may 8th! I'll be done with school and I can sit outside (with waffles!!) and just finally read the books I want to read and not worry about the homework i'm not doing. Last summer I seriously slacked on reading and I'm going to make up for it. I just have to make through these two weeks. just two weeks!

Karma is always there. ALWAYS. Mine happened to create this : Pilonidal Cyst. Basically, it's a hereditary "thing" that grows at the end of your tailbone. It comes to a peak in the patient's early 20's. It hurts like a son-of-bitch. I was advised to spend as much time as possible soaking in a hot tub and to take these pills that make me feel like I'm going to hurl/give me a very, very bad headache. I have to go back to the doctor on Wednesday, when she'll decide if I get to have surgery. Yippie.